I've lost a friend because I crossed a parenting line apparently

My friend and I once made a pact that we’d never let disputes between our children come between us and our friendship.

If her child insisted mine was hogging the TV remote, we’d simply let them battle it out between themselves before intervening only as the voice of reason, not bias.

If my child insisted hers was cheating during a particularly heated game of Hide and Seek, we’d allow them to settle it between themselves and only intervened if it looked like the kid in question was unlikely to ever emerge from their forbidden hiding spot.

Kids will be kids, after all.

The idea that we’d let childish disputes interfere with the relationship we had cultivated, maintained and nourished over the past eighteen years was as foreign to me as a dust-free home.

And then it happened.

My 13-year-old daughter was the subject of an unprovoked attack and I couldn’t help but interfere and insist her daughter apologise to mine for the remarks she made.

This wasn’t the usual juvenile bickering where one gave as good as they got - it was cruel, unnecessary and shouldn’t go unpunished.

Whilst performing dance routines in the front room, I heard my friend’s child tell Rebecca that she wasn’t ‘thin enough’ to be in a girl group while berating her for not being able to master the moves because of her ‘two left feet’.

Crestfallen, my child started at the ground as she digested what her friend had insinuated.

Acutely aware of my daughter’s insecurities surrounding her body image, I marched in and insisted my friend’s daughter apologise unreservedly.

I’ll admit it, I lost my temper and I shouldn’t have, but some things are just too close to the bone for the ‘ever-smiling, ever-serene mum’ approach.

Up until now, if apologies had to be made, they would be mutual and insisted on by both parents, but this time I honestly felt my child had done nothing to warrant the attack while her daughter was clearly the culpable party.

I was certain my friend would understand my approach once she heard what had happened, but that has not been the case.

Recalling the incident, I simply suggested her daughter might show a little more sensitivity towards Rebecca when it comes to certain issues.

I didn’t blame my friend, attempt to break up ours or the children’s friendships, or cast aspersions on her child as a whole.

 I simply filled her in, admitted I had been angry and hoped she might see where I was coming from.

Smiling tightly, she nodded and saw me out.

I haven’t heard from her much in the last couple of weeks and I know she feels I crossed a line.

Disciplining her child is her prerogative, not mine. Showing anger towards her child breached boundaries we had agreed on as we began bearing and rearing our kids.

By weighing in on the situation and showing clear bias, I had broken the rules.

Well, I might have broken some rules, but I didn’t break the pact.

Going by her behaviour over the last few of weeks however, she clearly has.