My daughter doesn't need to know about my teenage mistake

My daughter has only just turned 13-years-old and while I knew she was completely up to speed on the subject of sex, I figured she was happy to consider it in a vague, abstract way.

In other words, I was content for her to know it was something that existed, but didn’t play an actual role in her daily life. Like, good home cooking, for example.

So when she hung her legs over the end of the couch last weekend and asked in a faux-casual manner what age I was when I lost my virginity, I felt a vein in my neck pulsate and cursed my tendency to blush at even the most innocuous questions.

In an equally casually manner, I asked her why she wanted to know and joked that I wasn’t likely to give her tips. (That feeble gag nearly choked me, if you must know.)

To my horror, her face fell and she mumbled: “Oh.”

My daughter is a lot of things, but she’s not utterly oblivious to her mother’s uptight stance on everything that affects her children, so I couldn’t quite believe she thought her and I might attempt to shoot the breeze about the moment the earth didn’t move for the first time… or the next time… or the time after that…

I’m sure every parenting book will place my reaction under the What Not To Do category of communicating with teens and I’m sorry, but I’m not quite ready for this yet.

There are many reasons why I don’t want to get into the nitty-gritty of a sex talk with my daughter, not lest because I colour every time I say ‘intercourse’, but mostly because she truly doesn’t need to know yet.

She doesn’t need to know her mother lost her virginity to a totally inappropriate individual who wore too much hair gel and smelled vaguely of popcorn.

She doesn’t need to know her mum found it awkward, embarrassing and regretted it bitterly moments after.

And she certainly doesn’t need to know her mum was the one who initiated the entire thing.

What good would it do her or our relationship if she knew her mum was once compared to a two wheeled vehicle because of a foolish mistake she made over twenty years ago.

Don’t get me wrong, the time will come when I’ll fill her in all these details if necessary, but right now it’s truly not. Rebecca understands what sex is, she knows the responsibilities that go along with it and she knows she’s not ready for it.

For now, that’s sufficient.

With panic filling my insides, I told her dad what happened and while in agreement with my course of action, he did suggest I eradicate the word ‘intercourse’ from my vocabulary.

Easier on her, on me… and on him apparently.