As your child gets older, they will start to hang out with a certain group of friends who they have something in common with. However, it is important that you make sure your teen’s group of friends is not a clique.
A clique is a very elite group, who often make it clear that not everyone is allowed to be a part of their gang. Many tend to focus on popularity, and believe that they are above other groups. People in cliques often use their status to hurt others, either by excluding or humiliating them. You will notice that when your teen belongs to a clique, they will find it hard to socialise with other people.
Your teenager may be attracted to membership for a number of different reasons. They may fear being left out, are seeking popularity or believe the elite group offers them security. Encourage your adolescent to keep their social circles diverse and teach them to have mind of their own. This will be their best defence when someone is trying to keep them in or out of a group. Remember, it takes a lot of self confidence for your teen to be friends with people both inside and outside.
In a clique there is usually one leader who “controls” the others. They are usually the ones who set clearly defined rules about who may or may not join. If your youngster is desperately trying to become a member of a certain gang, ask them why they want to be a part of it. Encourage them to stay involved in activities that make them happy, as it will help them gain a sense of belonging and value.
Cliques are not exclusive to either sexes, and boys can be just as equally vicious to “outsiders” as girls. Members can often use the tools of flattery, humiliation or rumours to manipulate situations and preserve status, so it is important that you keep an eye on who your child is hanging out with.
Fortunately, as your teen matures, usually towards the end of secondary school, they will start to become more relaxed about who is in and who is not their gang. As their mum, the best thing you can teach your adolescent is to have good friendship skills. Show them that being respectful, fair, caring and kind towards others will help friendships go the distance.
