One day, I will roll my eyes so far behind my head that they will stay there. If you are the same kind of parent, you too will relate to the following back-to-school moments that will have you sighing and rolling your eyes over the next few weeks.
The Art Work
I don’t know what else they do from the hours of 9-1 every day... But, DAMN that class is prolific when it comes to creating artistic… masterpieces? I have already accumulated an entire folder of what can only be described as scribbles in different mediums, since the first day of school. Is it bad that I am binning the bottom of the pile to make room for new ones?
The Untouched Lunch
That feeling when you finally get around to peering into your little one’s lunch box only to find they have left 99.99 percent uneaten. Even when you cave and make the lunch they ask for- its crackers instead of sandwiches for my kiddo- they still find it hard to take time out of their little day to eat it. This phenomenon must explain the constant feeling of hunger they all seem express from pick up to dinner time.
Or lack thereof. My daughter has ‘forgotten something’ in school that she thinks might be for homework, every day since term started. 'Nuff said.
Who decided we needed to fill every single afternoon of the week with expensive activities- most of which they will abandon after the age of 10? Cheers for that. Really, we ADORE operating this free taxi service- alongside our jobs, whether they be work or raising humans who WILL NEVER EVER be world-class fencing champions or tap dancers on Broadway.
I don’t know what’s worse: having a uniform to maintain, or not having one at all. Today I spent just under an hour taking tiny pieces of fluff off my daughter’s school pinafore with a lint roller. Yes, this is how I spend my Sunday evenings these days. Those panicky messages into the class WhatsApp group about whether its ‘tracksuit day’ or not are a regular thing- even this early on in the year. I bitch about this but my friend who’s little one has no uniform is now going through a phase of trying on and modelling her outfits for school the night before.
The Coat Wars
War is not an overstatement. Asking a bounding five-year-old to put their coat on at 8 am is a BATTLE. It is- according to many children- NEVER cold enough for a coat. Rain, hail or snow- layering up is a morning challenge that we accepted when we became parents, apparently.
The Shoe Wars
This is more like a man-hunt than a duel because you must find each individual shoe and wrestle it on. Regardless of whether or not you attempted to lay out the shoes the night before, at some point during the morning rush, a shoe will go missing. Maybe like me, you are dealing with a kid who hates all footwear and randomly sheds shoes as the morning progresses.
Maybe you have a child who likes shoes so much that he or she changes their mind minutes before leaving the house, to a single shoe with no visible pair. Either way, shoes are a nightmare.
The Whole Hair Thing
It's not just about the… dare I say it? HEAD LICE. You heard me, mums, nit season is a-comin’ and you cannot stop it. You want your baby’s hair to look neat and tidy going to school. Or, at least, you want their hair up in such a way that it will only gather half the dirt, food and snot that it would if you left it down. Unfortunately, even us mums who go that extra mile to prevent a visit from those little nightmares- we're talking French plaits and eucalyptus spray- are always defeated.
What about you, mums? What back-to-school annoyances have your eyes rolling this week?