Nowadays, it is not uncommon for children to be collected from preschool and fed a bottle for the trip home. Nor is it unusual to see school-aged children carted around like little kings and queens in buggies. Then there are three-year-olds whose parents claim they are not yet ready to be toilet-trained.
When it comes to bottles, every public health nurse would say to stop using them when your child turns one and to introduce a sippy cup instead. Yet, many parents still give bottles until their child is four, thinking it does no harm because it helps them to nap. They are happy, their needs are met, and we have space to think and plan the next part of the day.
As for school-aged children in buggies, it happens all the time. I see exhausted parents with big children, who are very capable of walking, being pushed around in buggies at child-friendly locations. Children don’t get lost and you get from A to B much quicker, but I doubt buggies were ever created for such an age group. Some children may love being in buggies but, for those who don't, it can have a negative effect on their confidence. They know buggies are not for them.
Are we trying to convince ourselves that our small children are still only babies? But look at everything else we expect of them: to feed themselves, to play socially, to attend playschool or primary school, to learn to dress, to have language, and much more besides. When it comes to something like toilet training we make excuses. Why? Because toilet-training can require more time, more energy and more patience than you already have. It can be difficult to find these reserves.
The recurrent theme in all of this is the mixed, confused messages we are giving to children. I understand that the reasons for doing any of the above are valid but, if you really explore it, it's more about our needs as parents than it is about our child’s needs. As parents, we have to be very careful to look at what we do and question why we do it. Is it for our child’s development, is it meeting their needs, or is it really meeting our needs only?
If we find we are doing many things just to survive then we need to look at our support network; see if there is any possible way we can do things a little differently. When parenting alone or sharing parenting, the challenge is very great and I am not underestimating that. Every parent wants to do the best they can but at times we don’t see what we are doing. We need to take time out to reflect on what we are doing and ask why we are doing it. It is important that we know why we make the choices we make. Also, we need support from society to parent. Once we are making choices that support our children to grow and develop in confidence, and with joy then, we can be assured that we are making lots of good choices.
