As children grow and develop, they become aware of themselves and the world around them. By the age of two, your child has become an individual and will want to do things differently to you. While this can be frustrating and a little sad for you to see your baby grow up, it is also a positive sign that your child's development is on track. Your child is now able to venture off alone and explore their living area without direct assistance from you. Very often this independent action is balanced by them feeling incredibly needy towards you for comfort and solace. This is typical behaviour and can be classed as classic separation anxiety.
Although your child is capable of exploring and trying things alone, very often this can highlight the fact that they cannot cope without you. This brings about feelings of frustration, confusion and sometimes fear and panic. You may find that your child is fine when in the crèche, or with a babysitter, but is very clingy as soon as you show up to fetch them. Your child may even perform when you leave them at the crèche in the morning. To help your child overcome feelings of abandonment, communicate effectively and tell them that you are coming back to fetch them and give them some affection. When you leave, try not to linger in the vicinity, as this could send mixed signals to your child. Separation anxiety is a normal part of growing up and it comes and goes, peaking at 18 months and becoming less of a problem by 30 months.
Between the ages of two and three, your child will assert independence in different ways very often defying you repeatedly, just to be self-directed. Expect behaviour like drawing on walls, fussy eating habits and insisting on wearing certain kinds of clothing. Encourage your child to be independent by letting them try things on their own, even if they struggle. Your child's trust is growing in you and this gives them more confidence to be independent, since they know you are there when needed.
Your child's separation anxiety will be gone by their third birthday, but there may be instances of it in the future. The first day at school, or first night away from you on a camping trip, may trigger anxiety – but it is short-lived.
