All parents want the best for their child. As they grow we see different personalities, qualities and strengths in their own abilities. In a family of four children, there can be the sporty one, the arty one, the comedian and the all-rounder! That said, although our children may thrive in certain areas, what’s really important to so many parents is that they feel secure and good about themselves; in what they do and with the people around them.
Our children’s self-esteem starts to grow from the day they are born. Being fed, changed and comforted in a loving and consistent way as tiny babies allows them to feel happy and content and, in turn, builds that trust and special bond with the person who is caring for them. As those relationships grow, so too does their confidence and self-worth. As a parent, it’s hard not to worry when our child is shy or reluctant to get involved. If they are hard on themselves – does this mean they are not confident?
I believe that we can, indeed, support our children when they are finding certain things a challenge; however, it’s also a lot to do with our outlook. Positive self-esteem is also about identifying and developing our strengths from early on, building on them, and sharing them with others. When we encourage our children to focus on the positive, it teaches them about positive affirmations – the more we tell ourselves that we are a good at something, the more we believe in it and build our self-confidence.
Give your child responsibility
A good place to start if you are worried how your child might be feeling about themselves, is to not feel sorry for them but to turn it around into ‘let’s do something about it’. The more we do for our children, the more they rely on us and others, and the less they experience that 'feel-good factor'; so it’s more about enabling them.
Give your child responsibility; allow them to experience independence. Have you ever seen your child’s face light up when they have cracked something for the first time? That sense of achievement feels great, along with all the clapping and jumping around we do to celebrate with them! As toddlers, our children learn how to put on and take off their coat – when I watched my child transition from placing his coat on the ground upside-down, to then neatly placing it on his back with one quick move, I was amazed!
Take a moment to stand back and watch your child embrace this new found independence. They are learning to Velcro their runners, button up their coats, feed themselves, welcome baby siblings into the family, and tidy up by themselves - all of these things count for your child feeling a sense of accomplishment. For our older children, it’s helping to put the washing machine on, emptying the dishwasher, meal-planning, or choosing family days out.
Allow your child experience what they can do for themselves and reap the benefits – feeling happy!
Build on their strengths
Some children are lucky when they know very early on what they love to do, what they excel in, or what they are passionate about - for others, it takes a little bit of searching. This is often when we come into the picture. For some, it takes a while to figure it out, but once you see that spark of interest it’s important to encourage it as much as you can.
The best activities are the ones your child is willing to put the time and effort into. Scouting groups like Beavers or Ladybirds, Cubs and Brownies, Swimming, Lego building, GAA, Arts & Crafts - whether it’s team- or solitary-based - the more effort and drive they put in, the more they will get out of it. Not only do these activities boost their confidence, they also provide an opportunity to meet other children who have similar interests to them, which in turn can nurture a new friendship and a shared passion. As you know, finding what you love doesn’t necessarily mean competition or winning but what makes you feel good.
Supporting your child as they learn to take responsibility, believe in themselves, find what they love, and share with others is all part of our children growing up.. Each child is very different and does find their way eventually. However, they need us there to subtly nudge them along the way!
Aoife Lee, Parent Coach for Giraffe Childcare
