TheZookeeper's Blog

My 12-year-old daughter has been making noises about needing a bra. She doesn’t need a bra. I told her that while I have no doubt she really wants one, there's a big difference between that and actually needing one. I don’t why I bothered with my speech about her wanting to grow up too fast, because if I’m honest, I knew I was going to get my daughter a bra the minute she requested one...

Having just gotten over the shock of discovering my 14-year-old son managed to acquire, kiss and lose a girlfriend in the space of two days, I didn’t think I could handle any more romantic revelations. My seven-year-old son had other ideas however and after sharing an open and honest conversation with him, the type of which I’d say I’ve only another two years to enjoy, I learned that my...

So yesterday I learned that my 14-year-old son is no longer a single man. He’s a grown-up in a committed relationship. Apparently. I say ‘apparently’ because I’m finding all this out second-hand. The day my son comes home and confides in me first will be the same day my husband discovers where the hoover is kept. No, I got this rather earth-shattering piece of news from my twelve-year-old...

I still remember the first time I applied a full face of make-up. After working diligently for the guts of an hour, I slowly swivelled away from the mirror and turned to face my sister who let out a shriek. Yes, I had gotten it very badly wrong, but for years afterwards I considered her reaction over-the-top, unnecessarily dramatic and just so very…her. And then yesterday my 12-year-old daughter...

I always promised myself that when I became a mum, I would never put my kids through the same embarrassment myself and my sisters experienced at the hands of our mother. I wouldn’t dash to the local shop with no bra beneath my T-shirt, “blissfully unaware” of the ruckus I was causing. I wouldn’t ask a guest the same question four times in a row because I wasn’t listening the first time...

Shopping used to be a pursuit of pleasure. I could have spent days meandering around clothes stores, content to wait until that one perfect piece jumped out at me - but then I got married and had children. Shopping is now an activity which must be carried out with military precision if myself and/or the kids want to make it out alive. Lists are employed, rules are implemented and good humour is...

Some people are lactose, some people are gluten, but me, I’m cringe-intolerant. I can’t shake off an embarrassing or awkward moment like other people can. I wear the humiliation like a rash for weeks, which is why I’m still seething with my daughter for her latest stunt. There’s nothing I loathe more than being put on the spot by my pre-teen girl in front of her friends. I don’t know how...

Us mums are notorious for worrying, over-planning and fretting about the family when we deign to take a break away from work and domestic responsibilities. Endless lists are made and distributed, meals are cooked and frozen and demands that everything keeps ticking over followed by hurried promises to be back soon are uttered before we take a short break from our normal routine. And then, as we...

Social media was awash with memes, slogans and posts on Sunday night which lamented both the passing of Christmas and the inevitable return to work and school. If you saw these uploads and didn’t experience the classic sinking feeling that you should expect to feel when contemplating the return to normality, don’t worry, you’re not alone. I bit my tongue on Saturday when friends and family...