TheZookeeper's Blog

When you've been married as long as I have, it would be unrealistic to expect your sex life to boast the same passion it did during the honeymoon period. Sometimes, and God knows it kills me to say this, but it can feel like mine and my husband's tumble beneath the sheets is more to do with scratching an itch and less to do with actually enjoying one another. While I know this aspect of...

A close female relative of mine who shall remain nameless (upon pain of death apparently) recently reached a very exciting milestone in her life and it's fair to say she's slightly overwhelmed. Having wished valiantly to join her friends in an exclusive club they named Period Pals, this particular relative has now gained entry, and doesn't quite know what to make of it. Instead of the...

As a mum of four, there are many, many things I don't have much time for: cleaning skirting boards, matching socks and making soup from scratch to name but three. However, if there's one thing that really grinds my gears, it's when my children tell tales on each other. Yes, if one of you requires medical attention, then by all means point a finger at the perp and allow him to take his...

My teenage daughter asked me to describe childbirth over the Christmas holidays and despite having given birth four times in the last 15 years, I seriously struggled with my response. The conversation came about after watching an episode of Gogglebox where one of the cast members described labour as the hardest, but most rewarding day's work you'll ever do. Intrigued by the remark, Rebecca...

Alex has spent the last three weeks in a heightened state of euphoria as he struggled to come to terms with the fact he had landed the coveted role of Donkey in the school Nativity. While the girls in his class crossed their fingers in the hopes they may secure the role of Mary, and the boys longed to be a Wise Man, my son wanted nothing more than the admirable role of the stable donkey. Ecstatic...

There's nothing I love more than a good gossip. At the time, that is. And then when the dust settles and I'm alone without a fellow gossip to encourage me, I berate myself for my pass-remarkable nature and inability to bite my tongue. But what bothers me most is the fact that my desire to gossip and pass comment on the lifestyle of other mums is likely born of a personal insecurity which I...

Dear Rebecca, Laugh at me all you want for this, but I feel this might be the only way to get your attention. Since last Friday, you have either completely ignored my texts or responded with a cursory 'K' You have zoned me out when I have attempted to broach the subject in person and you appear to have little to no interest in resolving matters with me, but maybe this approach will help...

This is probably not something I should say out loud too often, but if my doing so helps to assuage the fears or concerns of any fellow mums, then it will have been worth it. Sometimes I don't want to be a mum. There, I said it. As the mother of four healthy, happy children, I should be counting my blessings on a daily basis and believe me, I do, but sometimes I long for the my heady...

So I've just learned that I'm a massive 'buzzkill' because I won't allow my daughter to dress up as Kylie Jenner for Halloween. I'm “majorly missing the point” apparently. While I'm against the idea of my 13-year-old dressing as the youngest Kardashian sister, she's lamenting the fact I'm refusng to think outside the box. Yes, she may want to wear a push-up...

We recently went on a short family trip abroad. As we have yet to cash in the prize bonds my mother gave us on our wedding day and spring for a private plane, we resigned ourselves to two hours on a budget airline - an activity every mother-of-four relishes, I'm sure. While the rest of my gang have had their airborne rite of passage, my youngest had yet to experience the 'joys' of air...