Period perceptions: 10 things a certain person thought about the whole process

Last updated: 14/01/2016 13:41 by TheZookeeper to TheZookeeper's Blog
Filed under: MummyBloggers
A close female relative of mine who shall remain nameless (upon pain of death apparently) recently reached a very exciting milestone in her life and it's fair to say she's slightly overwhelmed.

Having wished valiantly to join her friends in an exclusive club they named Period Pals, this particular relative has now gained entry, and doesn't quite know what to make of it.

Instead of the strut and sass she assumed her membership would offer, she's swiftly learned it actually comes with cramps, bloating, disdain for the opposite sex and a longing to eat everything that's not nailed down or wriggling for five days of every month.

On the second day of her third official monthly visit, she came to me and asked if there was any way to avoid these things every month.

“Fraid not, “ I replied. “But I promise, you'll get used to them very quickly. And remember, every woman finds specific ways to deal with hers, so you'll be a pro in no time.”

“I don't want to be a pro,” she muttered. “And wanyway, I thought they'd be different.”

Sitting down together, we addressed her expectations, placated concerns and, perhaps most importantly, cleared up any misconceptions she had about the whole process.

The coversation taught me a lot – mostly that this particular relative had tuned out almost entirely during sexual education classes and mother / daughter chats.

Here are just ten misconceptions this nameless person had about periods.

1. Sanitary products were not required during sleep 

She learned the error of her ways fairly quickly with that one.


2. Tampons must be changed every time she pees or even THINKS about peeing 

That one could really cost me.


3. Running could dislodge a tampon 

Even after seeing commercials where ladies are blasting into outer space with their periods, she won't run for the bus.


4. Everyone, including her teachers, would know when she was due 

I told here there would be times when even SHE wouldn't know she was due.


5. Chocolate would just become more appealing, not an actual lifeline 

I shared the location of my secret stash should she ever need it.


6. Mood swings weren't a real thing 

She cried and gritted her teeth when I told her she was more than a little off on that one.


7. Cramps would be mildly uncomfortable and not something that would cost her a night's sleep 

I promised she would soon find unique ways to deal with hers and reminded her off the tips I offered during those now long forgotten chats.


8. Periods would make her feel more grown-up and sophisticated 

She admitted the whole process made her feel vulnerable and embarrassed at times.


9. The nextdoor neighbours could hear her remove a sanitary towel from her underwear 

"Does it have to be SO loud?!”


10. The digestive system would be completely unaware of the arrival of a period 

“I'm either constipated, holding in gas or trying not to puke. It's like my body is turning against me.”


Thankfully, we got to the bottom of some issues and despite my insistence physical activity is a form of pain relief, she still insists PE is a no-go.

To be fair, I'm secretly with her on that one.
Déanta in Éirinn - Sheology
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