TheZookeeper's Blog

Myself and my husband celebrated our sixteenth wedding anniversary earlier this month. And subsequently found ourselves wandering nervously through the halls of a five star hotel and spa which my husband booked on a whim before remembering that, as a couple, we simply can’t handle this amount of fancy. The pressure gets to us, if I’m honest. We both feel the need to meet the romantic...

I have a friend who pretty much refuses to chat about her children. While she worships the ground they walk on, she just doesn’t feel their achievements or progress are appropriate topics of conversation when chatting with another adult, unless of course, it's her partner. “Parents only ask you about your own kids, so they can start boasting about theirs,” she told me over a glass of...

I never thought reality TV family, the Kardashians, would ever play a significant role in the relationship I share with my children, but you can’t really predict these things. When you become a mum, you realise some of the most important lessons can be born of the most innocuous or mundane events. Similarly, some of the most significant moments in you and your child’s relationship can be born...

Sometimes I think my life revolves around the washing machine. No, seriously. I plan jaunts to the shop around a large grey appliance in my kitchen. I organise seeing friends around a gadget which cost more than my entire wardrobe. And I spend more time thinking about its various cycles than I ever deemed possible in my footloose and fancy free twenties. I know everyone has their own little...

My daughter has only just turned 13-years-old and while I knew she was completely up to speed on the subject of sex, I figured she was happy to consider it in a vague, abstract way. In other words, I was content for her to know it was something that existed, but didn’t play an actual role in her daily life. Like, good home cooking, for example. So when she hung her legs over the end of the couch...

My son learned something about himself over the weekend and believe me, it did not sit easy with him. When I mentioned it in passing a few days ago, I genuinely thought he was aware that the little ritual used take place, but from his puce cheeks and gritted teeth, I quickly realised I was mistaken. Sitting around the dinner table on Friday evening, myself and the kids found ourselves reminiscing...

So, I’ve found myself in somewhat of a predicament. Given the amount of things I have to worry about on a daily basis, I’m almost impressed I’ve found enough room in my already addled brain to squish this new concern in, but when you put your mind to something… Anyway, here’s the big issue. I cannot stand my daughter’s new pal and while I surely shouldn’t let the little upstart...

I had the opportunity to study my two teenage children in their natural habitat recently and it was a real eye-opener to say the least. Over recent months, I realised how little I see my eldest two despite being a stay-at-home mum. They sleep eight hours a day (16 on weekends), spend six hours in school and then much of the rest of their time is spent ‘out’. Wherever that is. Trying to keep...

My seven-year-old son seems determined that I come to terms with my own mortality and it looks like he’ll stop at nothing until I feel like I’m staring death in the face at least once a day. It’s disconcerting to say the least. I know, I know- what kind of horror am I raising? It’s not how it seems, however, but that doesn’t really make it any easier to shrug off sometimes. It all...

My 13-year-old daughter takes after her father in some truly wonderful ways. It’s fair to say, they’re both generous to a fault, incredibly funny and hugely entertaining. But they’re also both masters in the ‘I’ll do this badly so I won’t be asked to do it again’ game. While I’m used to my husband’s antics in this regard, my daughter‘s foray into the dark side has left me a...