No matter how many siblings there are in your family, and what ages they range from; bedtimes in the evenings can be hectic - especially if time is limited and you have a tight schedule. As we all know, children need their sleep - this impacts on how they function the following day, whether that be at home, school or crèche. Often, when parents describe the giddiness and chaos around bedtime, it’s because children are overtired and the routine has become blurred. As needs vary from one family to the next, finding the right balance of who goes to bed when will differ – but making a bedtime plan will allow you to spend some quality one-to-one time as a means to wind down the antics!
Bedtime routines
First and foremost, establishing a good bedtime routine not only creates predictability and consistency, but it is also a positive sleep association for children to recognise as bedtime approaches. Children thrive on routine, so the more our children know what to expect, the easier that time of the night becomes. It’s also about following through on keeping the same timetable (as best you can!) each and every evening. Whether your child is aged two or 10 years old, be sure they know your expectations, as when you put the boundaries in the rest will follow. If it’s got to that point where you are feeling overwhelmed, make a decision with the other adults in charge about what needs to change. Once everyone agrees on the plan of action, then chat to your children over a weekend when the pressure is off about how bedtimes will work. Involve your children in the routine, and ask them what happens next - what needs to be done first: brushing teeth or putting on pyjamas? Can they think of what else might be helpful? Discussing it allows them be a part of the decision-making while avoiding a power struggle.
Making the most of bedtimes
Always encourage bedtime to start upstairs for all siblings, whether it’s for bath time, getting washed, putting pyjamas on, having a bottle for the tots, or wind-down quiet time. Remember to consider the time, for younger children; it really is the earlier the better, to ensure they get a minimum of eight hours sleep. If children are not used to a structure, you might like to name each stage with what is happening next. Make sure they have gone to the toilet, had their drink and any other needs met to avoid delay tactics. Allow your children have a choice in the quiet activity as part of their one to one time with you. Stories are the usual choice, however some children may like a card game, a little colouring, listening to music or simply a chat and a cuddle; 10 minutes is a perfect amount of time to wind down. If each child knows that they are guaranteed this time, it can be reassuring for them as we separate when saying goodnight. It can also mean they are less likely to come looking for us at later times in the evening.
Staggering bedtimes
Staggering bedtimes for siblings may come as a natural decision over time. As older children become more aware, they can ask to stay up a little later than their siblings, particularly if there is an age gap. I think we can all remember that moment of dread - the one being sent up to bed first! It’s normal for the younger child to dispute and resist that earlier time, however it’s also important for our older children to see that they are being listened to and considered as they get that bit more grown-up. Follow through with your younger child about their bedtime no matter how unjust it might feel for them; encourage the earlier time as a way of being together. Each family dynamic is different, so depending on how many children you have and their ages may determine what’s manageable for you. If another adult is at home at this stage in the evening, it’s an opportunity to share settling the children. This may not always be the case, so if you have a baby or a small toddler along with a younger child to consider, try to include them in the getting ready if there is no other adult to take over. For the older child who stays up that little bit later - even for 30 minutes longer - make sure to check in with them regarding what they are going to do. Avoid too much television or screen time, as this can act as a stimulant and they may find it hard to settle to sleep. Staggering times does mean the bedtime process can take longer, however this is what to expect as time goes on when our children go through different stages of development.
Making a bedtime plan takes time but creates positive change. The more we stick to it, the more our children see that it is the new norm. It will change as our children grow, like many other parenting scenarios, however trust your instincts while having a varied mix of being fair and firm.
Aoife Lee, Parent Coach for Giraffe Childcare
