I am the parent of a very boisterous three-year-old. He really enjoys being active: climbing trees, jumping across sofas, flinging himself on to the floor and making 'rawr' sounds. Sometimes, visitors to my house are amazed that I pass no remarks on him climbing a tree in the back garden, or jumping four feet from a platform somewhere in the house. I know he is capable and, therefore, have given up worrying. But others look on with concern, wanting to jump up and save him.
When you watch your child play in this way, their imaginations are in overdrive. They are so excited with life. They don’t need anyone to engage with them as they roll around the floor, darting from sofa to chair, and jumping off beds. They are pirates battling on the seas, and we are baddies trying to stop them. The shouts and roars are all part and parcel of the game.
However, as parents, we are inclined to wish for the more tailored game: playing house quietly, doing puzzles calmly, or reading some stories nicely in their room. We opt to turn on the TV to calm children down so we can get a break from the mayhem.
Although my three-year-old plays more boisterously than I can remember my girls playing, there are many girls who can also be rowdy and love rough and tumble. So, it is not about 'letting boys be boys' but about 'letting children be children'. But how can we tolerate more noise in the home? How can we stop ourselves from saying 'no' so quickly, and support boisterous play? Here are some tips for facilitating active play:
1. Have a box of bits and pieces for imaginary play: materials, clothes, old shoes and hats. Allow children to make tents and places to hide in the home. Encourage imaginary play - you can tidy up later on.
2. Allow more noise. Whoever said that living in a quiet home was good? There is, of course, time for peace and quiet; but if you live with children, and people call over, then they need to expect a high pitch in your home.
3. Join in the play as much as you can; and if you find you can’t join in, then try not to disturb it. If you have to limit the places in the home that your child plays in, then do.
4. Try to not have too many really precious goods in your home. As parents, we often can’t afford them anyhow; but the less precious breakables you have, the less you will have to worry about when your child is running about in the midst of saving the world.
5. When visitors come over, stop your child and encourage them to say 'hi', but encourage your visitors to accept that your child is in their safe place, in their fantasy world - and give them biscuits, lots of biscuits, to distract them from what your child is up to. Champion your child!
6. Allow as much freedom as you can, but ensure that they play within the rules of the home.
7. If you have an outdoor area in your home, open the door and encourage them to head out. This way, you have some down-time and they have lots of free time.
8. Stay calm. If you feel they have really high energy levels that are getting out of hand, try to play with them. Talk with them about the game they are playing; this will help them to calm down. Ask them if you can have a role in the game. Your part could support them to bring a new dimension to the game, and you can control a little of what is happening without taking over.
9. Children learn everything they need through play when they are young, so supporting play is one of the most valuable things you can do as a parent.
10. Have a playful home, and take time out to play. You will enjoy it more if you take part. You will hear it less if you join in.
One Family’s askonefamily helpline provides support for people who are parenting alone, sharing parenting or separated, on 1890 662 212.
