From early on in a child’s life, whether they are spending time at home or in a crèche environment, they go from being with the parent or carer all of the time; having their basic needs met by providing meals and comfort when they are upset, and keeping them safe. It’s a natural instinct for adults to provide this care and protection as children grow; but as they mature, so does your child’s natural urge for independence, their curiosity to know more about those around them, and they are often happy to chat to anyone who comes their way.
Many parents fret about their children not having that awareness of stranger danger, road safety, or simply running off without a care in the world. As we all know, every child is different; and, depending on their age, some are more aware and vigilant than others, while many pre-school children are just too young to understand or simply have no fear!
This is why supervision and boundaries are paramount.
Encourage positive safety messages
By supporting children about ‘staying safe’, it’s important to talk through the situations they may need to be mindful of encountering. For example, you may like to discuss some ground rules like: never speak to anyone you don’t know, never accept anything offered to you, always tell Mum and Dad where you are going and who you are with, ensure that Mum and Dad will always let you know who is collecting them at school or where they will be going afterwards. Schools are generally very good at knowing who is collecting a particular child, but always keep clear communication open with the teachers or principal, to ensure everybody knows what’s happening.
Providing positive boundaries when it comes to the everyday challenges of parening is so important. Although children can resist them, letting them know your expectations creates a natural feeling of security and protection.
When your child worries
If you find that your child is anxious or worries about strangers or the possibility of being on their own, it’s important to strike a balance of acknowledging this worry by naming their feelings. When you have a quiet moment together, try talking about what ‘stay safe’ tips they are familiar with already and reminding them what they can do ‘just in case’. It’s ideal at the same time to keep ‘stranger danger’ chats to a limit, so as not to completely overwhelm them.
To help your younger child along the way there is a story themed book called The Berenstain Bears Learn About Strangers by Stan and Jan Berenstain; and for older children, try Not Everyone Is Nice by Frederick Alimonti and Ann Tedesco. Story-themed books are a great way to encourage the more difficult chats in a language and tone that your child will understand.
A positive plan of action
If you find yourself continually telling your child to ‘stop’, ‘don’t’ or ‘no’ for fear they will hurt themselves, this is often the opportunity to break the cycle and look at other ways of communicating what you want them to do. While it’s important to ask them to stay safe and be aware, overuse of the word 'no' may cause the word to lose its meaning.
Children respond a lot more effectively to positive instructions than to negative ones, so try to reinforce behaviours and messages with positive praise and encouragement! Action speaks louder than words, so take the opportunity to show your child when out in public the safe way to walk together; make a point of it by being specific - tell them that ‘to stay safe, it’s really important to hold Mum's hand when we’re beside a road’.
If you know that you have a pending trip, gently remind your child about the rules when you’re out and about – don’t forget to lay on the praise when they follow your direction.
If you are concerned about your older child being approached by a stranger as they become more independent, always make sure you have made a plan together; ‘always walk away, never engage in conversation, stay with a trusted adult’. Remember to encourage conversation about how they got on, listen, and praise their efforts of being responsible.
If you are concerned or would like to know more about how much your child will learn in school, you can go to the ‘stay safe’ website, www.staysafe.ie, where they give parents a great insight into topics covered in a very age-appropriate way.
Aoife Lee, Parent Coach for Giraffe Childcare
