To ask any parent if they have ever had the challenge of getting their determined and tearful child into a car seat and remain in it with the belt on, happy as can be; most would put their hands up and agree that it happens to us all at some stage or other, whether that be every now and again or a ‘phase’ they are going through on a daily basis! For many, tantrums, resistance and extreme tiredness play a big part too, which can be both stressful and a bone of contention for all involved. There are so many subtle ways of preparing our children as well as managing it when we are in the moment.
5 simple steps
Keep calm
Although it’s not always going to work out like that, managing a determined little one while arching their back so as to avoid sitting into the seat late in the day is hard going! What’s really important here is to try and stay as calm as possible; the calmer and firmer we are, the more manageable the situation will be. If we are frustrated, it makes the situation even more difficult to deal with. Press the pause button, take some deep breaths - even if it means getting back into the front seat and remaining put for a few minutes until all is near to calm – attempt to distract, and try again!
Prepare in advance
No matter how young or old your child is, by using simple words and positive phrases on the safety of having to sit in our chairs with belts on, is letting them know the boundaries in an assertive but short and sweet kind of way - for example: “I know sometimes you don’t want to be in your seat, however, for us all to be safe in the car, we need to be strapped in”. Having this conversation when all is calm at home can be a lot more productive than when we are battling it out in the car at pick-up time from the crèche, when everyone is tired.
Give clear instructions – tell your child what you want to happen and be specific
Explain to your child exactly what you are doing, so they know what is happening if very upset - for example: “I’m putting your hand through the straps, now I’m going to close the fastener and make sure you’re comfy and safe”. Sometimes, when children know the specifics they become distracted. Also, the more you use the same language, the more of a consistent message you are giving.
Acknowledge feelings
Name your toddler’s emotions, especially for smaller children who don’t have many words - for example: "I know you don’t want to sit in the seat. I can see you are really upset, but when you sit down then we can put on your favourite story on CD or listen to music”. Your child’s tears may not stop straight away, but simply acknowledging their feelings lets them know that you understand them. Believe it or not, this can often diffuse a situation for us. The big emotions can be hard for smaller children to manage, so they need us to help them to calm down.
Praise them
Children love being told when they have done a good job or have achieved something – like ourselves! When you see that they are listening and following direction, or you have noticed that they are trying their best – name and acknowledge this. Tell the other parent, older siblings, crèche keyworkers how well they are sitting in their seat. The more you praise them, the more they will persevere. Children over three can sometimes like incentives and will respond really well to a token jar specifically for the car. When you have had a successful journey with little or no upset, your child will get a token to be placed in the jar and, at the end of the week, they pick something small as a reward. This kind of incentive is for short-term use - after a couple of weeks, they will wear thin; however, the idea is that you work towards forming new habits in a positive way. Avoid taking tokens out of the jar as a punishment - it was well earned, so look at alternative consequences if needs be.
Audio books
Audio books are great, and if your child has a favourite story check if you can pick it up in your local library or online book shop. My favourite for the car is ‘The Tiger Who Came to Tea’; it’s an old story but a lovely one. The audio book that goes with it has music, lots of character, and sound effects, too! You can take it in turn to listen to adults stations and your child’s favourites, as listening to the same CD for days on end may just take its toll on your nerves!
Safe travelling!
