From the time our children start to show signs of independence, we as their parent begin to teach them many new skills, often without realising it! We are their first teacher. These new-found opportunities can present themselves in many forms: supporting them with their new words, helping them calm down when feeling overwhelmed and upset, being kind and gentle, showing them what we need to do when crossing the road, or helping them use the potty for the first time! Although we may see these day-to-day experiences as simply ‘being a parent’, our children will always take our lead; and for them, they show true determination, independence and a sense of achievement when it all falls into place! To keep in touch with your own teaching, I have shared a few thoughts on how we as parents can encourage independence in our children, from being positively aware.
Look and listen
As we know, small children often do not have the vocabulary to tell us what they are thinking and how they are feeling. It’s important that we have a variety of ways to understand what they want us to know and to communicate with them. Look out for the non-verbal cues: your child’s facial expressions and body language. Every parent knows their own child best; they often do not have to use any words, but you’ll know what they want or need just by pointing, making a funny face, or even from their tone of voice! Our children know what to do and what they want, so it’s just as important that we are aware of our own facial expressions, hand gestures, tone, along with our words when communicating with our children. For example, if your child points at something, nod your head and smile and name the item so your child begins to understand the names of these objects.
Language
Be aware for early attempts at using their words, and encourage your child. If they point to a banana and say "nana", you can say “yes, that’s a banana, you are right, well done”. Avoid interrupting your child; if they are babbling and learning to form their language, encourage them by being enthusiastic. Let them tell their story, even if you don’t fully understand them! Ask questions to encourage them to tell you more details. Listening is such an important part of parenting, it shows you care and are interested. When a child feels that they are listened to, they feel appreciated and understood – the same is true for adults!
Telling your child what you want them to do – giving positive instructions
It’s so easy to fall into a cycle of negative behaviour with our children; we can be quick to say ‘stop’ and ‘no’ a lot of the time! These are responses a parent will often use without realising it, and naturally so, particularly when a child is testing the limits or simply trying out something new they have learned or received attention for. The next time you find yourself telling your child not to do something, try re-phrasing it into a positive. For example, something all parents know too well, “Stop throwing your food on the floor” - we can say, “We keep our food on the plate please”. This is a teaching opportunity where you are giving your child a positive instruction as opposed to telling him what you don’t want to happen! Remember though, children also heavily rely on our tone, facial expressions as well as being down at their level, so they know we are being firm but positive. The more consistent we are in our teaching, the more a child will see it as the norm.
Teaching by being specific
If you need your child to do something, being specific and simple in your words can be really helpful to them. Try to avoid vague requests, for example, “Can you tidy up, please?”. We can encourage by saying, “I need you to put all your blocks in the box, please” - once you see them making their best efforts, follow it up with that little bit of positive praise: “Well done, you are doing such a good job tidying up your blocks.” Children need their parents to keep things simple, as they are learning new language and responses.
Supporting your child’s frustrations
Once our children begin to realise they can try out new things and succeed, they are more likely to keep going with a few bumps along the way! Often, when a child is attempting a new task like taking a lid off of a jar and it doesn’t work, they can easily become frustrated; and before we know it, there are tears or even a full-on tantrum! If we react by getting upset, the situation turns into something completely different. The next time you see your child struggling to accomplish something, rather than taking over and finishing off what they are doing, put your hand over their hand and guide them through it. If you come in with support, you’re acknowledging the task as being tricky while encouraging them. This can also help to diffuse a situation quite quickly, for example, “Putting that lid on can be really hard sometimes, let me help you and you can try again, you are doing really well!”.
No matter what age your child is, there will always be opportunities to learn and teach, whether at home, in crèche, at school and with their peers. We, too, are always learning; and it works both ways, as often our children teach us a thing or two as well!
‘It takes a big heart to help shape little minds’ – James Havens
Aoife Lee, Parent Coach for Giraffe Childcare
