You asked

My preschooler is still quite clingy. Is there any way I can boost his confidence and self esteem?

If your child has low self esteem, it may make him more likely to be clingy, and have difficulty in social situations. More importantly, however, a good self esteem is going to be important to his long term success, and one of your most important jobs as a parent is to ensure that your child grows up confident, and with a good sense of self worth.

Here are eight easy ways to boost your child’s self esteem:

Give your child your attention. If you can’t be bothered to look up from the television when your child speaks to you, it’s not going to give him a sense that he’s an important person, is it? When your child talks to you (unless you’re busy with something that cannot wait) stop what you’re doing and get down to his level to really listen. If you are busy, tell your child you need to finish something, and then give him your attention when you’re finished.

Love your child unconditionally. Knowing that no matter what your child does, or doesn’t do, you will always love him gives him a solid foundation. Even adults need to know there’s always someone ‘in their corner’ and knowing this will give your child the confidence he needs.

Have rules. You don’t want to be a nag, but your child does need to know what the limits are. This gives your child security, as he knows what he can and can’t do. Set simple rules for behaviour at home and elsewhere, and consistently enforce them.

Let your child try new things. One of the most important things for your preschooler, developmentally, is exploring his world. By allowing him to take ‘safe’ risks, you do just that.

Accept that your child will fail sometimes, and that it’s a part of life. Never letting your child try anything because you’re afraid he will fail will never let him have the opportunity to succeed!

Don’t compare your child to others. Your child does not need to hear that you wish he was clever, well behaved or anything else, like an older sibling or another child. Your child is an individual – treat him as one!

Celebrate success! You don’t want to harp on failures, but you do want to make succeeding a big deal. Whether it’s a big hug or a special treat, make every little success a reason to try to succeed even more.

Point out your child’s talents. Instead of ignoring it when your child compares himself to a friend unfavourably, rather empathise. Tell your child ‘I know that Bobby is better at playing catch, but you’re a great painter!’

Encourage your child. Everyone needs to hear that someone believes in them sometimes. Become your child’s cheerleader, and tell them that you know they can do whatever it is that they are trying. When they succeed, celebrate, and when they don’t, tell your child that you know that they will – whether it’s next time, or the next, or the time after that – if they keep trying.

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