When 2 becomes 3 - where does the love go?

 

My husband and I have two children under two years of age, so at some point in the last 2 years + 9 months we definitely had sex at least twice.

 

We ate out at ridiculously expensive restaurants and at the drop of a hat flew off on city breaks for the weekend.

 

Yes, a change has come, and yes, mini versions of yourself will impact on your love life, but adopting spontaneity and a greater level of flexibility can take your romance/sex life/couple-time in a new direction.

 

Here’s what we enjoyed before the kids (if you are thinking about starting a family within the next two years look away now or overdose in these magic moments).

 

1. If you have a regular nightlife – appreciate it!

Dance until your feet hurt and not because you’ve trod on one of those Lego pieces while trying to rock a five-month-old back to sleep at 2am, 2:41am, 3:07am, and then again at 4:59am.

 

2. Walk around the house naked

There is something quite relaxing, and sexy, about not wearing any clothes when it’s just you and your significant other at home for the day. Of course some may choose to adopt a naturist theme if they have kids, but we’ve chosen not to.

 

3. Having sex when you want

No explanation required.

 

4. Soak up getting drunk

This is something that will definitely change post-baby! Instead of both of us getting tipsy, or having impromptu cocktail nights and giggling fits into the early hours, we have to agree who will be the designated parent and abstain. In 99% of cases this will usually be the one creating the breast milk.

 

5. Food glorious food

A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and feeding your lover exquisite tastes are so divine. Yes, food will still have a role in your life after the kids arrive but romantic candle lit dinners, 10 course meals and accepting invites to new openings at chic restaurants, where entrees are served at 10pm and high chairs are non-existent will fade from your social diary temporarily.

 

6. Have loud sex

Go on, wake up the neighbours - you don’t like them anyway. This will change when Baby arrives. Your house will not be your house anymore, it will be taken over – I cannot overestimate this enough. You will need to take a ninja oath or adopt a ‘having sex under the parents’ house mentality, because no one wants to wake the baby and no one wants to be walked in. Eugh.

 

7. Mile high club

Now is not the time to do that couple’s trip to Vegas, explore the Himalayas together and enjoy wine tasting through the vineyards of Chile. Of course you will travel again, but while the kids are very young, or unless you travel with a nanny, you will probably be swapping off the beaten track for a child friendly all-inclusive and you’ll be glad for it.

 

 

This isn’t about raising a white flag over sex or romance after parenthood, hell no!

 

Here’s what we try do:

 

1. Seek an opportunity

Our baby and toddler rarely sleep at the same time, so there is only a very small window of opportunity to be intimate for longer that 15 minutes. Plenty for some, but if you want to stretch that occasionally to 30 minutes, without thinking of household tasks and sleep, then ask someone you trust to watch the kids for a couple of hours. Leave your home environment so there are no distractions and get it on (cue Marvin Gaye music).

 

2. Date Night

We try to do this a couple of times a month. Sometimes we leave the house and enjoy a meal, the movies or a quick drink in a local bar. Other times, we just keep the baby-monitor close, light a candle and snuggle up with popcorn and Netflix.

 

3. Woman to woman

It’s hard, but try not to let the baby weight, hair loss and all those other strange body changes get in the way of small physical affection. A lingering kiss, tight cuddle or hand job (for the skilled) goes a long way when you are really not feeling very sexy at all. It will be appreciated during the ‘dry’ periods.

 

4. Man to man

My husband says take up a hobby to remain sane. ‘She still loves you and will come back, just be patient while she nests in those early months’.

 

5. Positivity

Amongst the stresses of the day, kind words go a long way to keeping us friends in the trenches.

 

6. Keep your bedroom free of baby items… within reason

It won’t be a full on boudoir until the baby moves into the nursery, so I try to keep any essentials in a box (out of sight) near the crib. With our first child several nursery themed toys were rolled on and definitely became passion killers.

 

7. YOU

Remember being a parent is one aspect of you - an amazing role, but not all of you. And that’s OK. We had to accept that we are also a son, a daughter, a friend, a boss, an artist, a comedian, an idiot sometimes, a football fan, and hopefully still fun and sexy lovers.

 

Samantha writes at Cupid’s City, a blog about real life dating stories, the good, the bad and the funny. Twitter: @cupidscity