Sometimes I just don't want to be a mum for a while

I almost broke traffic lights in order to find refuge in work last week.

The quicker I ensconced myself in the office, the quicker I could put family life and being a mum to the back of my mind.

I love my children, I love my partner and for the most part I love being a mum, but there are some weeks where it really does all get too much for me and my small office cubicle momentarily becomes my ‘safe space’.

Nothing untoward has to happen for me to feel overwhelmed with family life, but from time to time I truly look forward to getting to the office and busying myself with the mundane tasks of my underpaid job.

I’ve heard many famous working mums say they need to work in order to be a better mother to their children, but my reasoning isn’t quite the same because we live extraordinarily different lives.

It’s a glamorous life these women lead and an exciting career path they’re on, so why would they give that up when they have all the help they require to still raise happy, healthy children?

Those women appear to love their jobs and I most certainly do not, so it’s not like I return home fulfilled from my nine to five and morph into some kind of supermum.

Sometimes I don’t even like my job let alone love it, but every once in a while I love that I have another place to go and just be.

I don’t admit that too often, even to myself, because I hate the way it sounds.

Where’s my maternal instinct?

Shouldn’t my insides be squeezing with anxiety at the prospect of leaving my babies?

Well, they don't.

I’ll be honest, sometimes my insides squeeze with excitement at the prospect of spending time away from endless questions, requests and suggestions.

I hear many working mums say that spending time away from their children ultimately makes them a better mum, but I don’t know if this is true for me.

All I know is that it makes me feel better and I’ll probably never stop feeling guilty about that.