10 people from the school gates I didn't miss over the summer

Much and all as we’d like to bond with each and every fellow mum in the school yard, it’s simply not possible to get on with everybody.

I consider myself relatively easygoing (although I’m sure my children would wholeheartedly disagree) and I attempt to find a common ground with the majority of people I spend time with, but let’s face it, some people and their personalities are just dealbreakers.

Never was this more evident to me than when I became a card-carrying stay-at-home mum who drops her children to school every day.

For the last ten years I have suffered through awkward pleasantries, stilted exchanges and downright infuriating conversations while I waved goodbye to my brood or waited on them to emerge from the school doors.

The final school bell of the term not only releases my kids from the tedium of the school year, but it releases me from the tedium of conversations neither me nor the other mum want to engage in.

Here are just ten people I did not miss during those heady summer months when I was officially free of the school yard chit-chat.

1. The casual glancer

OK, so I haven’t seen my hairbrush since some point at the beginning of last week, but I was pretty sure I did a good job with my husband’s comb.

Your subtle once-over suggests I did not.

Cheers.



2. The enthusiastic hip bumper

I know you’re a feisty, young, can-do-it-all mum and maybe I’m a little jealous, but do you have to greet me every morning with an excited hip bump?

I’m uncoordinated at the best of times and you leave me feeling like an awkward teenager at a wedding.

Let’s stick to waving, shall we?



3. The competitive crew

Yes, your children excel at every sport and mine struggle in the egg-and-spoon race, but does this really mean we come from different planets?

Your kid will still win the long jump if you stand beside me.

I may have passed my lack of sporting ability onto my kids, but I’m not contagious.



4. The glam squad

How do you look that impeccable every single morning?

You appear to be wearing mascara and lip gloss at the same time and it’s not even your birthday.

Teach me your ways.



5. The whinge

Yes, the books were expensive, yes the tour was expensive and yes the teacher has bad breath, but do we have to discuss it every single time we meet?

Let’s talk about something else! Anything!

I beg you.



6. The eternal optimist

Sometimes it’s just too early for your candour.

I envy your ability to maintain a sunny disposition from one end of the year to the next, but I myself do not possess that quality.

I think I’ll go stand next to the whinge.
 

7. The over-sharer

Piles, worms, libidos - no subject is off limits with this woman.

There’s nothing she won’t share.

I know her better than I know myself.



8. The exceptionally proud mum

They’re all great kids, but no kid is as great as her’s.

No, really.

She can vouch for that one.



9. The PTA posse

No, I still don’t have the cheque.

No, I unfortunately can't make next week’s meeting. 

Yes, I’m sure I’m a real mum.



10. The rusher

Yes, you're busy. We're all busy.

Oh, you're 'absolutely crazed?" 

Ok, well don't let us hold you up!